Oh, look. Look at that girl jump-roping.
Okay. All right. Come on. Stop.
Please.
Now let's get her some food.
No.
Stop.
Oh, God!
Emily, oh, my God. I am so sorry.
Are you okay?
Uh-huh.
Y-You're gonna be able to compete today, right?
Mm-hmm. I'm fine.
Are you sure?
I-
No, really. It's okay.
Okay. Um... See?
Uh, I was gonna ask you, um,
if I could get an interview with the - the school's best jumper?
Uh, sure.
I just don't know if I look okay.
You look awesome.
Uh-Heh heh.
I mean... I mean great. Uh, awesome.
Heh.
Okay, well, um, yeah, are-are you ready?
'Cause- Yeah.
Could you just move over a little bit?
Just right - Okay, just right there. right there.
Okay, Emily, um,
why do you jump?
Go, go! Fire it up! Go, go! Fire it up!
Go, Logan!
Judges ready?
Jumpers ready.
Set. Go.
♪ He wants to live inside a tree he can sleep on ♪
♪ To hold him up while everyone washes away ♪
♪ Only there, could he get things completed ♪
♪ Only there, would the distractions go away ♪
♪ They would set it up
♪ So they would always keep moving ♪
♪ Till they'd had enough and things got stale... ♪
Give it up for 'em, ladies and gentleman,
the last group of double Dutch, singles freestyle,
Watch 'em work.
♪ Looking everywhere
♪ It all seems better
♪ Falling in a trap of mirrors ♪
Females 15 to 17, single rope, speed,
please report to your stations. Thank you.
Hi. And your name is?
Emily Smith-Dungy. Great.
Emily, I'd like you to notice the four corners of this square
and make sure you stay within its bounds.
Single rope, speed.
Judges ready?
Jumpers ready.
Set. Go.
And the runner-up is Tracy Hill!
All right, Tracy. Good work.
And the winner in this year's Macomb County
regional competition is...
with a staggering new regional record of 465 jumps-
that's 2.58 jumps per second, folks-
Miss Emily Smith-Dungy!
Yeah, Emily!
Emily and Tracy will represent the county
in the state finals this Sunday at 10 A.M.,
and you won't want to miss that, folks.
Give it up for the ladies!
Whoo!
Great job.
Good. One more.
All right.
That was really good.
Uh, hey. Hey, Em.
Uh, congrats on- on today.
Yeah, I thought you were really...
Thanks, Chris.
Hey, Emily, great job today.
You're awesome.
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah...
I know a purse that thinks it's hot shit.
Want to beat the crap out of it, too?
Look, I don't love the idea of giving you a ride,
but I'm thinking maybe it'll balance out the bad karma
for the pack of Twizzlers I just stole.
Ooh, that disapproving glare of Emily Smith-Dungy.
Hmph.
Okay. Well, suit yourself.
♪ You're living in a lie
♪ You ain't nothing but a BFI... ♪
Wait! Wait!
♪ 'Cause you ain't no one
♪ You're living in a lie
♪ You ain't nothing but a BFI ♪
You know, it doesn't exactly raise my street cred
to be seen with a jumptard.
Hey, hey. Oh! Hold on!
I told you she is particular.
I can think of several other adjectives
that are a little bit more accurate-
rickety, decrepit, pathetic.
Bitchy? What?
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. You were talking about the car.
F off.
That is going to sting all the way home.
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ Yeah, yeah-
Nyaah!
You a cop?
If you ain't a cop,
my pimp is gonna fix you up,
bustin' in like that.
I'm not in the mood.
Then what good are ya?
If you don't want to make it,
then let me alone so I can get stoned.
Lucy, what did I tell you about matches?
It's Iris! Taxi Driver?
Don't tell me you've never seen it.
Classic Scorsese.
It's about a mentally imbalanced Vietnam vet
and a teenage prostitute. That's me.
It's a good character, shows my range.
Yeah, well, directors don't want to see 9-year-old prostitutes
when they're casting for Toasty O's.
Come on, mister.
You're starting to be a real drag.
Lucy.
Are you an Aries? Lucy.
Pisces make the best lovers, you know.
Iris.
Where's Dad?
'Kay.
Dad!
Dad, I need to talk to you.
Emily.
How many times have I told you
that when I'm here working,
I am surrounded by a creative membrane?
And nothing comes in.
Nothing escapes creative membrane.
Mm-hmm, membranes are permeable.
What you want is a wall.
I don't ask for much from this family,
a simple respect for my process.
Mm-hmm. Where were you at 3:30?
Where was I at 3:30?
In some fantastically transcended zone.
My body was like the conduit for a higher energy.
I am completing what might be
the most important piece of my entire career.
No, no. No.
Not yet. Don't- Don't touch it.
I just wanted to see what was so important that you couldn't-
It's not ready for judgment.
Okay, that's great,
but where should you have been at 3:30?
You sound like your mother,
consumed with time and a schedule.
Do not tread that path.
Remember. Remember, it's what we do,
not when we do it.
It's the what that's important.
This is important.
This...
this was important, too.
What's this?
You didn't even read it.
What is this, a note?
Regionals?
Where were you at 3:30?!
3:30? Yeah, 3:30.
It usually it occurs between 3:00 and 4:00.
Oh! I was editing this new piece.
Check it out!
Hello. Welcome. Bawwk!
May I take your order?
Chicken nuggets! Bawwk!
Man has processed his relationship with nature
into bite-size pieces. You feel me?
Bawwk!
No. Hmm.
Maybe I should add some more nuggets.
Yeah, more nuggets to that. What do you think?
You think it's ready to show Dad?
I don't care. Bawwk!
Well, maybe I'll hold off on the nuggets
and just see what Dad thinks.
I mean, he always knows how to cut through the bullshit
and right to the core of the piece, you know?
Oh. You know what you should do?
What?
Actually show up to something
when you say you will.
What the hell?
You look like a raging homosexual.
I am a raging homosexual.
Mom?
Yeah. Uh-huh, yeah.
Because it's men 21 to 55, that's why.
I want to see power tools, jackhammers,
nail guns, all that crap that makes men feel
like they're wielding a substantial tool for once.
Yes, all men think like that, Rick. Mom.
Just have it on my desk Monday.
Yes, sexy drills. It always comes back
to sex with this demo. Mom.
Don't worry about Hoverman. He'll pitch humor.
He always pitches humor. I'm on the phone.
Look, it boils down to this, Rick.
Do you want to laugh, or do you want to screw?
Did you forget something today?
That wasn't a proposition, sweetie.
Something important?
Look I will be VP by March,
and I do play favorites
What? What?
Maybe something at the precise time of 3:30 postmeridian?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my-Ohh.
Rick, those J&J mock-ups were supposed to go to Tokyo
this afternoon at 3:30.
You did?
He did? You did?
On you are a goddamn stallion.
I'm gonna ride you all the way to the top.
No, let him pitch humor.
I'd like to see him juggle his balls in the air.
No! Are you kidding?
He's such a jerk.
Sure. Sound like a horse.
♪ We thank you, food
♪ The food
♪ That nourishes our soul
Nobody showed up.
Oh, sweetheart, I know. I'm so sorry.
I desperately tried to get there,
but Mickey was having a bad day, and your father was just-
GG!
Oh, no.
My God, how many times do I-GG?
Can you stir that for me, please?
Need to speak with you.
Um, what part of dry cleaning do you not understand?
The chemical part.
Dry cleaning releases
toxic chemicals into our waters.
I don't care. I-
I don't care.
This little blouse cost me $300.
Excuse me. Could you please take this argument someplace else?
Thank you.
Don't you raise your voice to me, sugarplum.
I'm not your maid.
Oh, I know. If you were my maid,
I would have fired you years ago.
Sam!
I'll get it!
Oh, your energy is so negative,
I have to burn sage every time I come here.
Oh, is that what that smell is?
'Cause I thought the forest came into my office and took a crap.
It's so telling that you would object to sage,
the cleaning agent provided by Mother Earth.
Well my mother's name is Janice, not Earth,
so if you could keep your flaming shrubs out of my office,
I'd deeply appreciate it.
So you ever been to Fillmore?
Uh...
Back before '70, it was fantastic.
Me and my girlfriend Anne
used to get stoned out of our brains
and check out all the great bands.
You ever see CCR on LSD?
Janice must be so proud,
the wonderful mother you've become.
Ma! Are you kidding?
You're judging me?
You take that finger and turn around
and point it right at yourself.
There's your legacy. You proud of that?
I don't want her here anymore.
She takes very good care of our children.
She feeds them nice organic, vegetarian meals...
Well, I-I don't care. Sam, you're not willing
or prepared to make!
Take your sage and-
Guess what. I'm out of here.
No! Ma, wait!
I'm leaving.
Ma! Mama?
Mama?!
So, we gonna do it, or what?
Do what?
And scene.
Hey.
Hi, Chris.
How are you?
Um, okay.
Uh... I'm walking out that door.
You know, right now is not a very good time.
Oh, yeah. I can-Okay.
Well, look, I- I only came by
'cause I have this DVD of you at the quarterfinals...
Come on! and I just...
Wait! Mom!
No! No, let me go! Ma! Ma!
Oh. Who do we have here?
I don't want to be around that women ever again!
She's the devil. No!
Oh, hey. Uh, yeah, I'm Chris.
Look, I-I just came by 'cause I wanted
to give this to Emily. That's all.
A gift? Oh, Duncan,
he brought her a gift.
You're a good boy. Thanks.
Tell me, how long were you breast-fed as a child?
Mom. Uh...
Were you on the tit till you were practically driving?
I'm sorry.
There's nothing more nutritious
than mother's milk.
It's nature's protein shake.
Chris? Yeah?
Yeah. So...
you dating my daughter? Hmm?
Tell me... I don't...
are you one of those A & O guys?
Dad!
Sir?
You know, one of those cool cats
who tell their girlfriends that anal and oral isn't real sex
so they can protect their virginity?
Okay!
Time to go. It's time to go, Dad.
No. Dad, no.
What about condoms? What about 'em?
It's never too early to start talking about condoms!
That's enough, Dad!
You know what I'm talking about.
Sir, I don't think-
You know what I'm talking about
Dad, that's enough.
I'm gonna go, okay?
Okay, sounds good. Okay.
Oh, wait! Wait! Em, I'm sorry.
Ah, God, this DVD. I just wanted to-
Okay, just take it, okay? Thanks.
Bye. Okay, bye.
Bye-bye.
I'd take his balls and wrap 'em around his neck. Hah!
Statistically speaking, I think parents
kill more teens than drugs or even cars.
If we don't end up punching out our own tickets,
we just suffer through years of therapy,
only to realize that our parents were completely inept
and that we are now equally inept parents
...and loud, the Tasmanian devils
can have up to four pups at a time...
Well, I refuse to partake in this farce.
The animal will defend itself if provoked.
I should just down a bottle of Mom's sleeping pills
and get it over with.
Bet they wouldn't even notice or care.
Do you think they would?
Most saltwater fish can survive
in a tank filled with human blood.
Mom wouldn't.
Maybe Dad...
for a day or so.
At least Grandma Gail would.
The animal will continue to spread its disease.
In captivity, a scientist hopes
the devils can be rehabilitated,
but first they must be tranquilized and restrained.
Where-Where the hell's the food?
Gotta be here somewhere.
Can smell it.
Is this a joke?
In here!
What's the occasion?
Just trying something new. Come sit.
So not funny. Hold, please.
What the-
Someone kidnapped my dinner.
I know. That's what I said.
Hang on. What the-
I don't understand.
Lucy, can you hand me my plate?
We are having dinner as a family.
Rick, I'm gonna have to call you back.
No, it's dinner as a family.
Whoo! I know. It's-
I haven't done it in, like-
They're staring at me. I've gotta go. Bye.
Okay, let's go. I'm gonna-
Do you mind sitting down first?
Mm-hmm.
Strange child.
Thank you for joining us, Dad.
Was I late?
Shouldn't I be sitting here?
Hah!
I'm hosting this dinner. please sit down.
Mom, phone.
Just one second.
Mom, phone.
Send.
So I'm sure you're all wondering
what we're doing here.
Not at all.
Historically families have had meals together.
The mother cooks.
The children gather.
Everyone eats and enjoys.
Is the mother the sole breadwinner
with Monday deadlines historically?
I support what Emily is doing.
Now lets all join hands and say a little prayer.
What do they say?
A family that prays together stays together
Mom. You must be joking.
Not in the least.
Taxi Driver?
Sure as shit.
Fantastic.
Lord Shiva, Bless this family,
and may your third eye look down upon us with love and kindness.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
Since when are we Hindu?
How do we know which God is the one true God, hmm?
Just 'cause you're born in a specific region of the planet
doesn't make your God better than someone else's.
I say we pray to them all just to be fair.
So, as I was saying-
Oh, I have an announcement.
From now on, I want to be called Thor.
Hmm. Thor, okay. Thor?
Like the comic book?
No, the Norse God of thunder,
I was gonna go with Poseidon, but Thor just hits, you know.
Doesn't Thor, like, have a, like, hammer or something?
Yeah, he does. Totally fits you.
It's badass. Badass, man.
Isn't Thor kind of butch?
No.
We named you after Jackson Pollock,
one of my early influences.
Paint-splattering hack.
Anyway-
I thought you liked Pollock.
You found his work sensual.
Sensual. That was a long time ago.
Paints don't really get me off anymore.
No one needs to know that, Mom. What does that mean?
Well, do I have to explain it to you?
It's really not that difficult.
Thor. Does that mean that
you don't find my work sensual anymore?
Sensual. Thor.
What's your work look like? I haven't seen one of them finished in five years.
Yeah, I think I still like it. Sensual!
Painting is a process. You can finish a process.
It's not like baking a pie.
Thor. Thor. Thor. I don't cook.
So it's not a problem. Aah! Cramp. Cramp.
Walk it off. walk it off.
When a horned toad gets angry,
it squirts blood out of its eyes.
Sensual. Charley horse balm.
Anyone got any Tiger Balm?
Painting is a process.
♪ Sensual...
Don't just pop 'em in the oven,
and, ding, they're done. Well, I'm done...
A horned toad is actually a lizard.
with this whole... Sensual.
family dinner thing Aah!
What is wrong with you people?!
Can we be normal one GD day
out my entire GD life?
Hey, what's with all the GDs today?
It means "God damn." I know what it means.
I competed in the state regionals today,
and no one showed up.
Oh, that jump-roping thing.
Oh, wow. Was that today?
I left GD notes around the entire GD house.
There it is again.
That's what that little yellow Post-it was.
You both said you'd be there.
No, I said I had a meeting,
that I couldn't come.
And if I said I was gonna come,
you know I'd be there, baby.
Okay. Mickey.
No, Mickey, don't.
No, Mickey. Mickey, don't, please.
Mickey, no. Shh. Mm-hmm.
January 15, 7:32 P.M. Eastern Standard Time.
Emily: "It's at 3:30. You'll be there?"
Dad: "3:30. Okay." Mom: "Yes, yes, I'll be there."
Emily: "Okay, because you missed the district finals."
Mom: "I also missed my 20s pregnant with you and your brother."
Okay, that's enough.
Emily, look, I don't understand what the big deal is,
okay, this jumping rope.
What's next, the Olympic jumping jacks team?
Maybe you can get gold in the freestyle dorking.
Shut up, Jacks.
It's Thor. Shut up.
This was important to me.
Emily, you know I don't approve of competitive sports.
It teaches people a value system where one person
is better than another just because of their genetic inheritance,
because of their physical attributes.
That's what Hitler used to teach.
Sensual. Are you comparing
jumping rope to the Holocaust?
No. No, I'm just-
I don't know where you get this competitive spirit.
It must come from your mother's side.
I think competitive spirit is good,
and pouring yourself into something
that really doesn't matter is not.
That must come from your father's side.
I forgot the wine.
Are you saying you'd like to live in a world without art?
Without Julian Schnabel,
Francesco Clemente, Jean-Michel Basquiat?
Warhol, Banksy?
Well, I doubt the world would spin off its axis.
It just might.
As today's winner,
I am now qualified
for the state championships this Sunday.
Ooh.
And I would very much appreciate it
if all of you came.
Nope.
I so wish I could, but I have
a huge presentation on Monday.
I'm sorry, baby.
I gotta finish a painting this weekend.
It's what I imagined.
Okay, a toast to a productive weekend.
Cheers.
Cheers. Hear, hear. Salute.
It's not your fault.
It's a type of sickness.
Kind of like the facial cancer of the Tasmanian devil.
Tasmanian devil.
Emily, I-Ha.
I-I don't know what's getting into you,
but I-I'm-I like-
The cancer must be stopped.
Are you sure they're even okay?
25 milligrams of Ziposal is a nonlethal dosage.
Where'd you get Zipos- Mom's cabinet.
Will you hand me that tape?
No way. When the police ask,
I never saw anything.
Jacks...
I'm gonna need your help on this.
I don't even know what this is.
This is our only chance to do something about our family.
It didn't used to be like this.
Don't you remember?
I don't even remember Tuesday.
You used to float these little paper boats
with Dad in the lake.
Do you remember that?
But how does this solve anything? I mean,
do you even have a plan?
I-I'm working on one.
Well, you might have wanted to start with that.
I'm sorry, Em, but there's no way I'm touching this.
What the hell?
The plan. Take a look, and meet me downstairs.
You're such a hooker.
Is that bacon?
I made plenty. Come sit down.
Did you look at section 3C?
Not really.
The blue tab.
"A gripping documentary."
It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity,
but if the subject matter is too raw for you-
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I live raw.
"Resourceful young girl
tries to save her family from..."
No, it's a psychological thriller.
We go inside the twisted mind of the psychotic teen.
I don't know if she's psychotic.
Oh, she's completely nuts.
We see her inner rage,
her sad sexual repression.
Sexual?
I'm gonna make this film.
The world must know what happened here.
Jacks?
My name is Thor.
And action.
You're documenting, but I'm in charge,
or the deal is off.
Fine.
What's going on?
Em kidnapped Mom and Dad,
and I'm making a movie of it. Yeah.
Hah!
A movie?
Yeah. A movie! Okay.
It's not a kidnapping.
It's a rehabilitation
Real cutting-edge, avant-garde stuff.
Psycho daughter drugs her parents. Godard meets Michael Moore.
Lucy, there's a really big role in this movie for you,
but no matter what Mom or Dad say, I'm the director.
Please.
I'm a professional.
Great.
All right, everyone, get ready.
Okay, here we go.
Yaah!
Yeah, Dad. That's good.
Why am I tied up?
Are we being robbed?
Is there an intruder?
Why am I taped?
This is what happens when johns try to skip out
without paying for the puddin'.
Lucy, a little help, please
Sorry, pal. No can do.
Lucinda, stop messing around.
Jackson, put down that camera.
Thor. If this is a joke,
I don't think its very funny.
This is not a joke. What's that smell?
I did this. Huh? What?
Since you're not willing or capable of doing it on your own,
I've made it my mission to make this thing
you call a family actually resemble a family again.
Lucy. I don't under-
Is that a tofu sausage?
No, it's not.
It's pig, and like a normal family,
we started our morning with a well-balanced breakfast.
It comes from a living thing.
You don't want to eat an animal with a face, do you?
Yes, she does. Faces, shoulders, all of that.
Dad, we're part of the food chain,
the top part.
Is this about meat?
No, its about being normal.
You do realize the irony of that statement.
Extreme circumstances require extreme measures, Mom.
Oh, you want to see extreme?
I'll show you extreme.
Extreme right up those stairs-
All right, all right, all right. Calm down!
Shit.
I actually think there might be some merit
to what Emily is trying to do.
What?! Excuse me?
All right, I know I should be angry,
but it kind of reminds me of something
I...
might have done when I was her age.
This is exactly what I'm talking about.
You have no idea when to give me parental support
and when to not.
This is a perfect example of a not.
Emily, this is asinine.
I really thought that you were much smarter than this.
You, Thor, just because this was your sister's idea,
doesn't mean you're off the hook.
Please don't look directly into the camera.
Really? Wow, I-
Mom, we are so beyond your guilt trips.
How about being grounded till you're 18? How 'bout that?
Fine, if that means you'll be normal parents.
Normal?
We are...
galaxies away from normal,
and at this very moment, the punishment
will be commensurate with the crime.
I'm talking severe lockdown-
no friends, no extracurriculars,
and certainly no competitive jump.
Well, that's a little extreme.
Okay, Duncan.
Everything you worked for, down the drain.
It would be such a shame.
Or...
I can make you a one-time offer only.
Can't believe I'm saying this.
Crazy. It's crazy. Ha!
You untie me- us right now,
and I mean right this very minute,
I'll forget everything.
No grounding. No yelling.
Just carry on.
Duncan!
That sounds reasonable.
As if it never happened
Y-You promise?
Yes. Yes, we-
we promise, don't we, sweetheart?
This is good.
No.
No. I don't want to carry on like this never happened...
because that's how we got here.
First to illustrate both of your glaring deficiencies as parents, the facts.
Please feel free to follow along in your packets.
As you can see in chart 1A,
attendance of children's events has declined
from its peak of 65%
to its current flat line of 2%.
In pie chart 3B...
Em, this is very left-brain.
you can notice that the portion labeled quality time
is a very thin line
between watching movies and self-absorption.
I haven't seen a movie in three years,
and he's the one at home, so if I could be released...
Mother, I will get out the tape. that would be amazing.
Tape?
Mm-hmm.
Lucy...
can you get Mommy's BlackBerry?
Lucy, get the tape.
Let's take a look at graph 8B.
Strange that you're still attempting to talk.
...grade, I smoked some weed.
Susan!
Jackson, got Mom.
Do something with Dad.
What do you want me to do? I'm filming.
Dad! Jackson, stop filming, or-
This is good.
Help me now!
Yes.
Calm down, Dad.
...off of me!
No way. Oh, this is gonna be good.
Help me.
Get out of the shot.
Lucy, do something.
Untie me.
I won't tell anybody.
I won't tell your sister. Just untie me.
Lucy.
Stay put.
...out of here now, Emily! Now!
Shh. Quiet
Ohh!
Mm! Susan!
Susan! Susan!
Emily, let me out!
Ehh...
Does it hurt?
You didn't give me much of a choice.
Susan! Susan!
Ahh! Susan!
Yo, Susan!
And action.
You gonna tell me about the setup?
I'll cut off your friggin' ear, man
You're gonna die...
What?
like the scum pig that you are.
You take that off.
Stop!
Hello?
Anybody there?
That's it! No more!
My name is Siu Jin, not Susan!
Later, Susan.
Susan!
End scene.
Awesome.
Oh, hey, Kat.
What's up?
No wig today?
Your mom's getting away.
Shh.
Reservoir Dogs?
How do I look?
Kat. Oh, thank God. Kat!
Makeover? You want a makeover?
Whatever you want. Kat?
Yeah, you left this incredibly modest symbol of achievement in my car.
Look, Kat,
I know things have been "you know" between us,
but you can't tell anyone, not yet.
Uh, yeah, but see,
narcing on you would catapult me into a serious lead
in our little neighborhood rivalry,
so, my dear, you have two choices.
Behind door number one, we have me dialing 911
as you chase me around the house until the police arrive.
You probably wouldn't like being incarcerated,
and as you know, cardio makes my cooch itch,
so that's a lose-lose.
But behind door number 2,
we have a simple symbiotic transaction.
I believe the going rate for allowing my archenemy
to get away with a major felony is...
50 bucks and a first-row seat.
You're blackmailing me?
No. No, I'm just bored,
and I just want to be here
when the whole thing goes shit circus.
Em, Dad needs to pee again.
Mm, you should probably handle that.
Ugh. I am not doing that again.
Come on, Dad. We got this.
You're like a beached whale.
The sooner you cooperate, the sooner this is over.
Emily, come here. Listen.
The key to a successful revolution
is controlled chaos.
Now, you're letting this get too loose.
Susan saw Lucy try to cut my ear off,
and now Kat is involved.
Does that-
Emily, kidnapping is a first-degree felony.
Yeah. And I will prosecute.
That means jail time and a permanent scar on your record,
so unless you want a diploma
from the state penitentiary-
Well, actually, you can get
a pretty good degree in a state penitentiary.
A friend of mine from high school-
Mom, Dad, focus.
Why don't we go to the big board, shall we?
Now, I'm gonna ask you some multiple-choice questions,
and you're gonna give me answers.
Correct answers will be awarded.
Like a game show.
Oh, don't encourage her.
Incorrect answers will be punished.
Japanese game show. Nice.
When a male friend of your 16-year-old daughter comes over,
appropriate topics of conversation are...
A, weather, B, sports,
C, school,
D...
anal sex.
I was just trying to learn something about your friend.
Please answer the question.
Safe sex is never
an inappropriate conversation.
Wrong! A through C
are appropriate topics.
Never, ever, ever, ever, ever D.
Young people have questions about intercourse,
all kinds of intercourse,
animal intercourse,
same-sex intercourse,
different-sex intercourse.
Stop saying, "Intercourse."
Emily, clearly you have some issues
with inter-
sex.
Wh-Wh-
Why are you ripping my skirt when he screwed up?
It's a team game. You're partners.
That's Prada.
Now it's nada.
The acceptable age for a child to use profanity is...
Depending upon the situation.
Wrong. It is never appropriate for a child to use profanity,
especially not 9-year-old girls.
But Lucy's just playing make-believe.
Yeah.
She was dressed like a GD prostitute.
You're not being impartial.
Let's let Kat be the judge. Kat?
Kat agrees.
Yeah, I don't know. He has a point.
Everyone swears. No. I don't.
Really? Sure you're not just
being a GD MFing hypocrite?
Can't believe I'm saying this,
but I'm really glad you're bringing this up, Emily.
Your father here doesn't understand the appropriate-
Mom, I wouldn't say that appropriate is your strong suit.
Excuse me?
Mickey, Tuesday, 7:00ish,
something about nailing?
January 8, 7:15 P.M.
Man-"Don't worry. I'll nail it."
Mom-"You nail the copy,
and you can nail whatever you want this weekend."
That was taken completely out of context.
Oh, really? Should we hear the rest? Yeah.
No. Fine.
Don't use your brother as a dictation machine.
Wrong again.
No! Emily.
That was one of my early masterpieces.
That is a natural plant that grows freely on this Earth.
Mm-hmm. It's an illegal substance
and a horrible example for your children.
If you're worried about your brother's pot experimentation,
you can relax.
Thor is a very well-adjusted young man.
Oh, yeah?
Do well-adjusted young men pretend to be gay?
Enh. What?
She's just kidding.
Is this true?
No!
Dad, I'm totally gay.
She's just messing around.
No, I'm not.
This is so crazy. I'm so queer.
Thor, it's all right if you're not gay.
Dad, I like dudes. I-
He thinks people will think he's more artsy if he's gay.
I love dudes, love 'em.
He doesn't even have a boyfriend.
It's 'cause good men are hard to find.
Everybody knows that. Amen.
He has straight porn mags in his room.
They're so gross.
Straight porn?
Boobs and everything?
No. Boobs are so nasty.
I could have told you years ago he wasn't gay.
You over-accessorize.
No, I don't.
It's okay.
You know what?
Screw this.
Thor.
Lucy, watch them.
Until the age of three,
all male walruses engage in homosexual relationships.
Lucy, come let Mommy out.
Jacks?
What?!
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to out you
or in you or whatever.
But you have to admit it's kind of weird
pretending to be gay.
Hello?
I had one thing that made me interesting...
one thing that made him notice me.
You couldn't let me have that, could you?
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry. I didn't know.
Duncan, we need a new approach.
Just agree with everything I say.
I can't believe Thor's not gay.
With you going on and on about Warhol all the time,
I'm surprised he hasn't dyed his hair white.
Oh, so this is my fault?
Yes, of course it is.
You're the one who's here all the time.
A son pretending to be gay is something
that usually the primary-care parent would pick up on.
A primary-care parent implies that there's
some kind of secondary-care parent,
and we both know that's not the case, don't we?
Emily, hi.
He's a little upset,
but he'll come around.
Yes, he will. Um,
your father and I have been talking, and,
whew, we need a new approach.
We are starting to see some of your frustrations.
Yes.
Yes. Thank you, Duncan.
I know this sounds crazy,
but I do think-
we both think that...
we could do a better job at...
parenting this family.
Together, as partners.
Yes.
Right. I'm not that stupid.
Mmm. Thank you, honey.
I'd drink more, but I'd just have to pee again. Heh.
Emily, darling, you're right.
I think it's time that we work on some of this stuff.
I-I don't know what to do or what to say,
but I do think it's time to lose the ropes and-
and work this out as a family.
You would really listen to me?
Yeah.
Lucy, duct tape! On it, Em!
Make a gag! Hello!
Hello?
Hello!
Hello? I can't find it!
Where did you put it?!
It's your job. Please help us!
Help!
Mickey, go get the door.
Go get the door.
Does anybody need help in there?
Hide everything in this operation.
We've been taken hostage!
What the F? Jackson, stop. Just help me.
And action.
I'm coming in! Everybody hide!
Yes. Now we have a movie.
Kick the door down! Just kick it in!
What?!
Ah! I found the tape! Help!
Lucy.
It's too late! Just hide!
Hurry up, and get in here!
Stop.
Right there.
The cops. I got something for 'em.
Bunch of freaking amateurs. Shh. Thor.
Stop filming. Ha!
Hello?
Yes! Me! Come!
Hello?
I'm warning you. I know tae kwon do.
Rick?
Rick? Who's Rick? Rick?
Is this why you didn't show up to our meeting?
Yes! Come here.
Your text message did say
you wanted to close the deal. Wow. Kinky.
Eww. No, Rick. Come here. Untie me.
Just so you know, I'm not super into bondage.
Maybe a little role-playing here and there,
plushies, master-slave stuff.
Rick, now!
Who's the dude?
Who am I?
Who the hell are you?
I'm Rick. Who are you?
I live here. This is my wife
I thought you said your husband was dead.
You said I was dead?
No, I meant it metaphorically.
What? What?
Just come here and untie us! Please.
Why are you telling people I'm dead?
Just so you know, I'm not super into dudes.
Wait a second?
Are you sleeping with this guy?
I don't think she had much sleeping in mind, bro.
Raah! Ohh!
Oh ho ho!
Yes!
Whoa! Whoa, whoa.
Dude, yeah!
Nice job, Emily. Emily.
Lucy, um, I need you to take Mickey
up to his room and hang out for a bit.
No way! This is hard-core.
Now. Lucy, now.
Come on, Mickey.
I got guns.
Heh heh.
Emily.
Okay.
Tape.
Oh. Sorry.
Shut up, Mom. I have everything under control.
Thor, get that out of my face.
Can someone please give me a hand?
No way. You're psycho sauce.
I'm more of a star witness than a co-defendant.
It's fine.
Emily, listen to Mom.
We need to consider
what you're doing now.
Oh, my G.
I'd go with, "Oh, my F G."
Please tell me you're getting all this.
Rolling. Awesome.
How was I supposed to know that he would show up?
You couldn't plan for this.
I just reacted to the situation.
Rick. Rick, are you okay?
Sam?
What the hell?
Why am I tied up?
Because our daughter Emily is a bit
dissatisfied with our parenting style.
What? Dissatisfied? Are you kidding me?
Sam, are you sleeping with this guy?
Oh, God, would that bother you?
Would that pierce your membrane?
Be quiet!
Somebody needs to untie me right now.
Rick, do I look like I have a say in the matter?
Is this what this is about, my membrane?
Not now, Duncan.
Okay, clearly you guys are dealing
with some sort of family issues. Uh, Emily-
It's Emily, right?
Yeah, anyway...
Look, I know being a kid is tough.
I know that's gotta be hard, especially with a mom like Sam.
You should have seen her last week at work.
She made Hoverman cry.
Hoverman's a wussy.
Will you shut up?! Yeah.
Look, you seem like you got a good head on your shoulders.
...kind of illegal. a little bit.
Is this really worth 40 years in jail?
It wouldn't be 40 years.
Can't believe you're sleeping with this guy.
"This guy" headed multinational campaigns
for six Fortune 500 companies last year, asshole.
One more, and I would have been impressed.
Oh, shut up, both of you. Emily-
Follow your goals.
Listen to me, Little Miss Sunshine.
If you don't let me go right now-
and I mean right this second,
I will make your life a living hell.
Do you understand?
And this is serious right here.
This is a serious crime.
You know, adultery is a crime. Yeah!
Actually it's not.
Uh, yeah, it is, for a family.
I don't care about family!
How did you learn how to tie a knot like this?
Sam, how do you think
you can possibly run a 300-person company
when you can't even control your own teenage girl?
Will you be quiet?
Pathetic, misguided,
psychopathic, bug-eyed, 52-pound freak.
Hey! That's my daughter you're talking to.
I told you to be quiet. Emily.
Hit him! Emily. Emily.
No. No.
Mom, I warned him.
No, go on. Give him a hit.
No, no, no. I'll be good. I'll be good.
Well, that was unfortunate timing.
Oh. Oh, hey. Hey, Em.
Hey.
S-Something wrong, or...
Uh, no, everything's great. What's up?
Uh, nothing. Nothing much.
Okay. Uh, well, I'm kinda busy right now.
Uh, yeah, that's fine.
I just came by, because I-
I wanted to ask you
if you watched the DVD I made for you?
Actually I was just about to go do that, so...
Okay, so what did- What did you think, then?
But I haven't watched it yet.
Right. Heh. Right. You said that.
Mm-hmm.
Ah. Um...
Okay, well, I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go watch the DVD.
No, yeah, that's cool. Okay, okay. Great.
All right, let me know. Uh, cool.
Oh, hey, Em, what are you - what are you holding?
Is that like a giant wooden penis?
Yep. Yes, it is.
Uh-huh. Great. Bye! Oh. Oh.
I'll see you.
Nice one, Em.
Now he knows where he measures up.
Get that thing out of my face.
That was our deal.
You go psycho. I make the movie.
This isn't a movie, Jacks.
This is our family.
Oh, my G.
Oh, my Fing G.
So freaking rad.
I should have paid you 50 bucks.
Oh, my G.
Kat, give me your phone.
What?
Give me your phone, Kat, now.
Stop-Ahh.
Hey, it's Em.
I'm gonna need your help.
Well...
I must admit I've wanted to do
something like this for ages.
Now, this must be...
Rick, Mom's boyfriend.
Oh, right.
Let's put him somewhere
a man like him belongs, shall we?
What are you doing to me?
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Help!
Sorry, Rickels.
Shut up.
Now, when I sound the chime,
I want you to picture your clouded mind
clearing into a crisp, white expanse.
Here we go.
Hello. My name is Tina.
Hello, Tina.
I'm here to turn you from sad froggies
into happy froggies.
In my practice, we use puppets.
Get your puppets.
We use the puppets to detach us
from the emotional anchors that drag us down.
That way, our feelings can surface,
and our authentic self can breathe.
Perfect. Puppets.
It's a perfect time for puppets.
All right, are we ready to share? Who wants to go first?
Oh, I do. Oh, me! Me!
I said it first. No.
We kidnapped Mom and Dad.
How does that make you feel?
Um, it's fun and scary.
Why is it scary?
Because it's making everybody a little crazy
and say mean things,
even more than usual.
Hmm. Thank you for sharing, Wanda.
That's excellent. Libby?
Hmm.
Uh, I just, well-
I just want my family
to care about each other.
What about you?
Do you think about others?
Well, I...
We're all here right now
because we didn't go to your jump-roping competition.
We just couldn't make it. That's it.
We could have made it,
maybe if we tried harder.
That's great, Jackson.
It's Thor now.
Like the Norse God?
Yes! Finally! Thank you.
Oh, that's good. Timsy?
Uh-Ahem! Uh...
Timsy wants his family to know that...
he loves them very much.
And he knows that he makes a lot of mistakes.
Everybody makes mistakes, Timsy.
But he's doing the best he can.
I don't like the membrane.
The membrane is your father's protective shield.
I don't like the membrane.
What?
I don't like the membrane.
What else don't you like, Mickey?
I don't like loud talking,
I don't like the man in the other room...
and I don't like casserole.
That's fine.
Do you have anything else that you want to say?
And I like bacon.
Yeah. Yeah.
I suppose I could make the membrane a little more permeable.
Thanks, Dad.
Thanks.
But I don't know about the bacon.
Mimsy? Your family has opened up.
Would you like to share with us?
No.
Come on, Mom.
Come on, Mimsy.
Yeah, come on, Mimsy.
No, no. I'm good.
Come on, Mimsy.
Don't ignore this healing opportunity, Mimsy.
Come on, Mimsy. Mimsy. Mimsy.
This is insane. Mom, it's not very hard.
Why is it insane? It's insane, because you're a crazy person.
It's fun. Let Mimsy speak.
I'm doing it. I want to hear what Mimsy has to say.
Mimsy thinks that you should take your sage
and shove it where your spirit guides don't shine.
Mom! Just try, please.
I try, okay?
I try every single day, Emily.
And I'm sorry if we're not the freaking parents of the year,
but my apologies to the selection committee.
But here's a news flash.
There are no parents of the year.
No one comes to give me trophies.
Nobody comes to watch me compete.
And if you think tying me up and drugging me
and spraying air freshener in my face are gonna make our family closer,
then you were right, Emily.
We really have failed in raising you, honey.
And it's much worse than you think.
Thank you.
Emily!
I speak the truth.
When did everything get so strange?
She's your daughter.
No, you.
Me?
Where do I even start?
What happened to that wild chick I married?
She wasn't afraid of anything.
She-She'd dine and dash.
She ate popcorn with butter-flavored topping.
She was gonna open a vegan restaurant.
Can we not do this right now?
She was gonna cook veggies,
and I was gonna paint.
She was fun,
sense of humor.
She was beautiful.
Was?
We were gonna do anything we wanted.
Screw the rest of the world.
Well, she grew up, Duncan.
Do you really think we knew who we were back then?
I think we knew how to be happy.
Well, sometimes life isn't happy.
Sometimes you do what you have to do
instead of what you want to do.
I do what I want to do.
Oh, I know. Exactly.
Duncan does whatever Duncan wants to do.
If he wants to paint, he paints.
If he wants to sit there, he sits there.
While I keep this family fed and clothed,
and I work my butt off. Have you noticed?
I don't paint because I want to paint.
I paint because I have to.
Stop talking.
What are you trying to say? Hmm?
Let's stop beating around the bush.
Let's just put all our cards on the table.
Okay, okay, you want me to say it?
Yeah. Okay. Okay.
I want you to say it. Say it.
Okay, here it goes. You're stuck.
You got a bad review in New York five years ago,
and you're stuck.
31/2. What?
It was 31/2 years ago.
Whatever. You're stuck.
You have painter's block or something.
It takes time to make something beautiful, Sam.
It took 9 months to make each one of our beautiful children.
Oh, I know. I was there.
I remember.
Duncan, I'm sorry.
I just- I can't continue this way.
I can't do this anymore. I just can't.
What do you mean you can't do this?
Marriage is a partnership, Duncan,
and right now you are a lousy partner.
I just-
Okay.
I love your talent, Duncan.
I fell in love with your talent.
Really?
Sometimes it's just- It's not enough.
You could have taken that graphic design job I got for you.
I stuck my neck for you, and you just blew it off,
Duncan style. Perfect.
I can't paint logos.
Here we go.
This is who I am, Sam,
for better or for worse.
This is who you married.
Do you want me to be someone else?
I never asked you to be someone else, Duncan.
Are you asking me now?
I don't know.
Good night, Mr. Toad.
And good night to you.
Well...
would you look at that?
Ohh.
You should probably let them go soon.
Go away.
It's Kat.
Great. Then go further away.
So that's it?
After all that?
Just gonna quit and go back to the way it was?
Yeah. And why do you care?
We're not even friends anymore, remember?
I just think it's a waste.
Well, in case you haven't noticed,
it's been a total disaster.
I can think of several other adjectives
that might apply.
Awesome, brave.
I think it's totally ballsy.
You're kinda my new freaking hero.
That is why you cannot give up.
I mean, not yet.
But you gotta chillax a little.
I mean, maybe you didn't notice earlier,
but in between head butts with your mom
was, like, a real breakthrough with your dad.
Yeah, I guess.
More than my mom. She's so, like-
Much like you?
Yeah, I noticed.
That may not seem like a compliment to you,
but it is.
I mean, come on.
Your mom is- is intense, smart.
She's kind of hard-core.
Parents are people, too,
which means sometimes they suck big hairy ass,
with, like, toilet paper-
Okay, eww. Okay. Point made.
Kids grow up thinking their parents were, like, perfect.
They feed you and protect you,
and they're supposed to have all the answers.
You end up thinking they're,
like, superheroes or something.
But then one day, you-you find out
they just worked at the Daily Planet.
Thanks.
Hey.
I'm sorry I sprayed you in the face with air freshener.
Are you gonna say anything?
What do you want me to say?
Something nice.
I'd love to.
I've been bound and tied,
and we are going on hour God knows what,
so I don't know why I would say something nice.
Because I don't remember the last time you did.
I know what I did was really messed up.
Yes.
And I know I'm in a lot of trouble.
Yes.
But I'd do it all over again,
if I'd thought that it would help.
I'm not crazy.
I'm not.
I just-I miss the way you used to be.
Do you remember when I was little...
and there'd be, like, a thunderstorm or something
and-or, like, a really mean boy at school,
and I would get so upset
and just run in my room, and I would hide.
And you'd come in,
and you'd lay down next to me,
and you-you would wrap your arms around me, and you'd sing.
I miss her.
I really need her.
Anyway...
if you want to escape...
you can.
But you're gonna have to do it together.
As for me,
I have a competition to go win.
Hey.
Oh, my God.
You painted us.
Look at us.
We're beautiful.
Duncan...
hand me the knife.
Heh.
I'm sorry. That's it.
Ah. Got it.
Oh, my God.
Baby, undo it.
Give it to me. Okay. Here.
Wow.
Maybe just a little bit longer.
If you could see yourself right now.
Take her down!
Emily Smith-Dungy?
Sergeant Ellis and Deputy Tyler,
Macomb County Sheriff's Department.
Mm-hmm.
Are your parents around?
Um, I'm kind of in a hurry.
Could you maybe come back later?
Afraid not.
We received several reports
that there may be a potentially criminal situation
taking place here in your home.
Uh, here? No.
There's no criminal nothing.
Well, maybe you've heard about some videos
that have been posted on the Internet.
Hey, Emily!
Smile! I think, uh, we saw
some people tied up in jump-rope and tape?
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Jump-rope.
No. That's crazy.
May we enter the premises, please?
Can I say no?
Actually, you can say no.
I'm sorry. I'm just-
But then we'd be forced to come back with a warrant.
I have a really important competition
to be at in less than one hour.
Okay, well, you may have to be a little late.
But it's the State's.
I can't be late.
We just want to ask a couple
of questions, come inside-
What-Now-
Step aside, ma'am. Step aside, ma'am.
Who else is on the premises?
Um...
just, uh, my sister and my two brothers.
Who's at the door, honey?
Oh. Good morning, officer.
And my parents.
Duncan, we have some police officers at the door.
What a surprise.
Yeah. We just- We're getting ready
for our usual Sunday brunch.
Come on, kids!
Get up, sleepyheads!
Brunch time! Heh.
Heh heh.
Jump-rope.
Yeah, it's fun.
Yeah.
Athletic guy? Yeah.
I'm a maniac.
Oh, he is.
So we got the entire family on the premises?
Yes. Uh-huh.
Yes.
Ohh. Thank you.
Uh, do you have a knife anywhere,
maybe, that we could use to cut these little ropes free?
No? No, not a good idea?
Okay, you like money?
I'll give you 100 bucks, you get me some aspirin,
'cause my head and my shoulder are killing me.
Yeah? Okay. Okay.
Okay, you freak.
Yesterday afternoon, we got a few calls
from some very concerned parents
after they found some disturbing texts on their kids' cellphones.
Oh, no. Really?
Yeah, yeah. Then we saw some videos posted on the Internet
by someone named Kataclysm.
We saw some pretty serious offenses in those videos.
That's-No, not us.
Aggravated assault,
drugs, and kidnapping.
Holy crap. Heh.
Hey, buddy.
Oh, my man.
My man.
Thank you.
What are you- That money-
No, no, wait. We said 100. Hey.
For right now, we just need an explanation.
Uh...
School project.
That's what it was.
Yeah, we were making a public service announcement.
Yeah, we may have made it too realistic.
You guys. Ha!
You can't teach talent.
Emily, have you watched my DVD yet?
Okay, now, who is this guy?
I need to know if you watched it.
Chris, it's really not a good time right now.
But it's never a good time in this house.
And I made you a second copy in case you lost the first one,
and I just really want you-
Chris, the boyfriend.
Heh heh.
Okay.
Chris, the DVD.
We were just gonna watch it.
Sir, if we could just finish a few questions.
But you won't want to miss this.
It's competitive jump.
Okay, but we need to finish up a few questions first.
Chris, come in. Join us.
Listen, we don't- we don't really need
to watch this right now.
Yeah, we do.
So exciting.
Emily Smith-Dungy!
...this Sunday at 10 A.M.
♪ I
♪ I see you jumping there
♪ Your rope cutting So sweet.
♪ Through the air
♪ Your light shining everywhere ♪
♪ And I
♪ I wish that you were mine ♪
He likes you, honey. Yeah.
♪ I'd jump with you any time ♪
Please put the camera down.
Yeah, sorry. Sorry. It's fine. Shh.
♪ You and me side by side
It's just stupid. That's-You know.
It's just for her. It wasn't meant
for everyone to see, that's all.
Yeah, we're going to get going now, folks.
Yeah, and we better get going, too.
Go on. Okay.
Officers, thank you so much for coming.
Uh, Chris,
I'll watch the rest later, okay?
Okay.
See you, buddy.
My wife and I, we're-
we're great donators to the Police
Benevolent Fund... All right.
give every year.
That's good. Thank you very much.
Officers! Officers,
I got something very important I gotta tell you.
Well, thank you very much. No, No.
Sir-Wait. Who are you?
Last week, I drove into a parked car. I just drove off.
Sir... I just drove... whoop-right off.
Regularly drink and drive.
Oh, my God. Sir-
Haven't paid for cable ever.
Who is this man?
Uh, he works for me.
Okay, why didn't you tell us
about him before?
He has, uh, special needs.
Yes, he's a special-needs cousin of ours.
Special.
Duncan. Duncan, brother,
I'm so sorry that I tried to bang your wife.
What?
No, no. He didn't bang-
There was no banging.
You mean, so you guys never-
He did not bang.
They never banged.
So sorry. Hey, give me a hug, brother.
Give me a hug.
No, no, no.
No. Oh, God.
That feels so good.
Sir, are you feeling all right?
Yeah, you're touching me
with your man parts.
Why don't men hug more often?
I could just hug you for hours.
Yeah, thank you.
I don't even care that your daughter
hit me over the head with a trophy
and-and put me in a snake cage.
Aw, you big kidder, you. Get out of here.
Now hold the phone there.
Silly. Here.
Okay, sir, can you repeat that?
Yeah.
Sir! Mmm!
Did this young lady assault you?
Greg, please. Quiet, ma'am.
Sir,
we're talking about a felony charge.
Yeah.
It's my cellphone.
Sir.
Turn it off. Sir!
Ooh, that's the stuff.
That's the stuff right there.
Yeah, yeah.
Sir, please. Russian Tea Room.
Yeah. Sir. Sir.
You know how much ass I get from this move?
Sir, I am ordering you to stop dancing.
Tick-tack, tick-tack.
Go ahead. Shoot him.
Whoo hoo hoo! Hoo hoo! Sir!
Who killed the beat?
Sorry, dude. Oh, my God.
Take care of him.
Ma'am... Come on.
I need an explanation.
Kills on the dance floor.
I just wanted to make a movie.
Whoa, whoa. I need an explanation from her.
Folks. I just really like her.
I'm gonna take this gentleman to jail if he does not stop.
Okay, I can't hear everyone-
High! I been flyin' high!
Sir!
Hi-yee!
Sir!
Ma'am.
I just wanted them to see me jump.
Ma'am, I understand that,
but that's really not a good enough explanation
for what's happening here today.
Oh, no.
Sir, excuse me.
I'm sorry. What?
What are you doing?
I'm smoking pot.
Put that down. Sir.
Smoke pot. Smoke pot.
Excuse me. Everybody smoke.
No, you cannot do that.
Sir! Sir!
Revolution!
No revolution!
Listen to me! Sir, stop!
♪ Smoke pot, smoke pot, everybody smoke pot ♪
♪ Smoke...
You ready?
Okay, good. Grab your bag.
It's got everything you need in there, right?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Kat's gonna take you?
Okay, well, good luck.
Love you.
I am commanding you to stop! Sir!
Wait, wait, wait! I'm coming with.
I am going to arrest you, sir.
I am going to arrest you.
Whoo! Oww!
Holy Fing S.
Yaah!
Revolution!
Whoo! You are under arrest.
This is ridiculous.
I've never had to deal with this...
I want to press charges on that psycho girl.
We will apprehend her.
Sir, I need you to settle down.
Ready. Set. Go.
Well, get going. You're late.
I drugged and then tied up my parents.
Everybody knows.
1,500 hits in 3 hours.
You're famous.
More like infamous.
Everyone's gonna think I'm a freak.
Well, did you think you were normal before?
I mean, you spend your lunch breaks jumping rope.
But look at it this way.
Now you are the queen freak
from, like, a seriously royal freak bloodline.
They will bow and tremble
in your superfreaky presence.
Trust me. It is better at the top.
You deserve this.
Plus you're really pretty.
Fuck it.
What's she doing here?
Did you see those clips?
Emily Smith-Dungy.
Right that way.
Come on. Go.
Em, hurry.
I'm here!
Are you Emily? Uh-huh.
Okay, here's your square here.
Jump outside the lines-
Looks like you're all legal.
Okay. You're set. Thanks.
Jumpers, ready.
Set. Go.
Attica! Attica!
I need you to calm down.
You got it, man! You got it, man!
Ma'am, I cannot do this with you right now.
His daughter just throwing me in a cage.
It's just a complete misunderstanding.
No, I need you to tell me where your daughter-
Where is your daughter? You arrest me, too,
'cause I'm not telling you.
Okay, well, I'll just have to come back here and do that.
Your daughter's a felony suspect.
I'm not telling you where she is.
I'm sure you're not. After what happened here...
You know I'm okay with you being straight.
Thanks. Are you, like, in trouble?
No.
Where is she?
I couldn't say. You couldn't say?
You know, you don't have to be different to be an artist.
You just have to have the courage
to show the world who you really are.
Do you know who you are?
I'm Jackson Smith-Dungy,
your son.
Cool.
Well, we will find your daughter,
but I need you to know that. Okay.
This is not okay. Nothing that has happened
here today is okay. Right. Of course.
Good luck. Good luck. Thank you.
Hey, I got a medical marijuana card in my wallet.
Let's have some fun.
Let's go, sir. Okay.
Wait. Why are you trying to arrest my dad?
What are you saying?
Put your gun down!
I don't have a gun out.
Well, why don't I just show it to you right now?
Oh, snap.
♪ Attica, Attica
First competitor, Melissa Barnum.
Competitor number two, Tracy Hill.
Number three, Emily Smith-Dungy.
Whoo! Yeah! Whoo!
And competitor number four... Get freaky!
Taryn Washington.
Folks, let's hear it for the final competitors.
Let's give 'em a hand.
Next up, Emily Smith-Dungy.
Emily, please take your station.
Right now, the top score
is Melissa Barnum with 428.
Call the cops!
Hey, come on, Em!
Jumper, are you ready?
Jumper...
are you ready?
Mm-hmm.
Single rope speed.
Go home!
Judges ready?
Jumpers ready.
Set. Go.
There we go! Yeah! You got it! Whoo!
Come on, Em!
I don't believe it.
It's them.
She stopped.
Emily!
Emily, pick it up. Go.
Go, Emily. You can do it.
Whoo, Emily! Jump, baby! Jump!
You got this. Jump, baby.
That's my girl! Come on, Em!
Emily! Love you, Em!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Oh, my God.
Emily! Emily! Emily!
I'm the queen freak!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
I'm the queen freak.
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Cops.
Come on. Let's go.
We're coming, honey!
Some people are lucky enough to find their true passion.
Yeah?
Yeah. Is it good?
It was awesome. Heh heh.
Hey, come on, little buddy.
Gotta get ready.
Don't want to be late.
♪ I know you left me standing there... ♪
That's okay,
because their passion makes them feel like something...
♪ I don't believe the words you said ♪
♪ But I can't find the words... ♪
...like somebody.
♪ Oh, I can't find the words I want ♪
Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps them moving.
♪... gone in another life ♪
♪ I don't believe I would just survive ♪
♪ I could feel you next to me... ♪
I know some people don't get mine,
my passion.
♪... the world I'm in
♪ Oh, I'm afraid...
It's jumping rope competitively...
but I like it.
♪ Ah oh oh oh...
Just me and the rope.
I'm in total control.
I can let everything else go
and focus on that one thing.
♪ One day, I will see heaven's reach ♪
♪ I'll find the one who left me sleeping ♪
♪ Every war was another seed ♪
♪ That could feed every soul in need ♪
I guess it could be anything...
4, 3, 2, 1!
but I chose jumping rope.
Whoo! Whoo!
And I'm not sure if there's anything that I could possibly
love more.
Smith-Dungy.
♪ The world you left
♪ Oh, I'm lost and found
Your family's here to take you home.
♪ Oh, I'm lost and found
Um...
Bye.
Bye, Em.
Pah.
Yay!
Look at this, you guys. Yeah.
You were amazing back there.
Those are all natural.
Good to see you.
Thank you.
♪ Somebody found me here
♪ Whoa oh oh oh
♪ Somebody found my breath
♪ Whoa oh oh oh
♪ Somebody saved me from the world you left ♪
♪ Whoa oh oh oh
♪ If you're gonna cry my tears ♪
♪ If you're gonna hold my breath ♪
♪ If you're gonna let me see the sun you set ♪
♪ Oh, I am lost and found